15 types of Malaysian selfies
1. The ‘sakit gigi but adui so cute’ selfie
Look for: Hand on face, 60% of subjects smiling, and remainder with random ‘let’s be funny’ faces.
“Place hand on jaw as if you have a toothache (probably from all the candy girls eat while trying to be sweet). Smile, pout, do a duckface or any other cute expressions, even if you’re in genuine pain – like a real lady!” – Chloe Lee Chui-Hong
Think it makes no sense? Well… Apparently, this toothache selfie is a real thing, ugaiz. How do we know? Cos The Telegraph tells us so:
If there’s one thing anyone with teeth would know, it’s that any pain in that region is a ONE. HEFFIN’. NIGHTMARE. Just ask this guy:
2. The ‘my Movember super fail’ selfie
Look for: Zoom function to find facial hair
“End of november and guy who has been trying to keep his beard only managed to grow a pathetic patch of rambutan hair. Sad face. Usually taken in front of mirror.” – Jeremy Ooi
Not being racist, just stereotypical – if you’re a Chinese guy who tried to grow a Wak Doyok but ended up looking like some scary pervert, you’re not the only one:
Let’s just hope that the true meaning of Movember (growing moustaches in November to raise awareness and/or funds for men-related issues e.g. prostate cancer) wouldn’t die off in each man’s race for a bushy face.
3. The ‘OMG femes people! I must berselfie’ selfie
Look for: Someone femes, and the same face on EVERY entry.
“My constant facial expression :3″ – Syafiq Asyraf
Behold, the autograph of today because signatures can be faked. (So can photos but… err… we’ll talk about that next time k.) It’s incredibly easy: spot someone famous wherever you’re at, slide up your front camera, put on a brave front and ask, “I’m a fan! Can we take a selfie??” Then add that to your album and wait for the likes and the ‘OMG JEALOUSSSS’ comments to roll in.
4. The ‘aww look we have cute props’ selfie
Look for: Chinese people at weddings lining up
“Always during a party or some occasion like birthdays. Usually a “moustache”, “party hat” or signs with words like “awesome” is there. Most of the time the props are used to cover parts of face.” – Tang Ruxyn
Props to whoever made props propular. We see ‘em everywhere, especially at weddings. ‘Team Bride’, ‘Team Groom’, ‘I’m Here for the Beer’, ‘I’m Still Single’. And of course fake MOUSTACHES. We’re guessing this is because most of these weddings are packed with Chinese people who unfortunately also fall into Category #2 above.
Having said that, we’re not too sure what that dude in front is holding tho.
Here’s a starter pack if you’re throwing a party soon:
P/S: If moustaches are the it-thing nowsadays, can we hairy upper-lipped women stop waxing yet?
5. The ‘tak pasal-pasal got inspirational quote’ selfie
Look for: Attractive women or short men
“This selfie will include in the caption some random, inexplicable quote or inspirational saying which has nothing to do with the photo itself. That’s like taking a photo of a dog and captioning it “OMG I love ducks”.” – Tharmaraj Rajandran
Ok gaiz, we got a number of entries on this but Tharmaraj wins ’cause he was the fastest. (See!! Ugaiz need to submit your entries fast!) But seriously tho, can someone please explain the logic behind this? Swing by our office and we’ll make you some really awesome coffee.
Another similar entry that was chosen cos it’s suuuuuper spot on:
“Confirm got put makeup and sure got use beauty enhancer but will hashtag #naturalbeauty and #nomakeup. Also will insert an irrelevant inspirational quote followed by at least 200 likes and minimum 50 comments of “you’re cute”.” – Lee Yoong Shin
6. The ‘traffic jam, check out my new tudung’ selfie
Look for: Tuding… like… in a traffic jam
“Car steering (inside a car of course), probably to kill time in traffic jam or waiting for green light, because if the selfie is done while the car is moving, it would be very dangerous, izzenit? These selfies always have the air of optimism that exudes “I am so upwardly mobile”. Also as a chance to show off a new pair of sunglasses or tudung.” – Ewan Shamsudin
Well, if you’re stuck in traffic, might as well take it as a selfie op. But really, guys… Listen to Ewan. Make sure you do it while your brakes are on, aite? Don’t let that smile be the last one the world sees.
7. The ‘yeaah I work out’ selfie
Look for: Sweat glaze, curled bicep, gloves for extra effect
” Semi-naked pose in the mirror after a workout. Self-satisfied “Oh yeah!” expression on face. Aims to show off abs/ tattoos/ navel piercings. Commonly taken in poor lighting.” – Rachel Yee
We can’t groan about this ’cause apparently one of us has been caught dead guilty of a gymfie. Not that we’re trynna justify (yes we are), but doing 5 pushups can be a big accomplishment to some peepur, okaaay. Share good things lor…
less shameful more impressive gym selfie:
8. The ‘#ootd and #aotd (all of the details) at a mirror’ selfie
Look for: Tilted head, hipster outfit
“Always a full body selfie featuring what the persons outfit is for the day. Often comes with hashtags of all the brands worn. Sometimes the person runs a blog shop.” – Nicholas Chin
What’s been more discussed than the gymfie are the #ootds, of cuz! In case you were wondering, #ootd stands for ‘outfit of the day’. Mostly applicable to the fashion forward, #ootds will make all the trouble you put into styling your baju extremely worth it. Unless, of course, if you get about 2 likes in an hour. Liddat better delete.
9. The ‘yay… kita cemerlang, gemilang, terbilang’ selfie
Look for: Test results that you might secretly snicker at, but congratulate in comments
“Shows an exaggerated happy face with the slips showing the results (usually with edits to censored the identity card number) and the caption is usually a long essay to thank everyone who has supported him/her in the process to obtain the results!” –Joel Leslie Anyie
What can we say? All that studying and the horror of waiting for your results… If you get good grades, you’d wanna shout it to the world too. Just don’t go kiasu people and say you did better than them k, kids.
10. The ‘lets take a holiday pic that only shows our faces’ selfie
Look for: Any evidence of where their holiday is
“Bright sunlight, nice background view and “happy happy joy joy” expressions! May look like a promotion for a travel agency!” – Rachel Yee
Because if you’re not in it, who’ll believe it? Well, as long as it’s not the families and friends of this Dutch lady who fooled everyone by faking her vacation trip on Facebook:
Point to note: Make sure you leave at least 20% of photo-real-estate to backgrounds that prove where you are. Cos that’s like the whole reason right?
11. The ‘(failed) look, we’re on a holiday’ selfie
Look for: Camera without autofocus. Just buy Alcaltel OneTouch Flash laaaa
“A large impressive backdrop/background, but the face is blur cos the camera terfocus on the background… which may not be that great, really.” – Michael Kwan
How spot on is this?? Mike, we like you for telling it as it is. (Not cos you’re our friend. And no you don’t win a phone cos you lambat.). But hey, at least you can tell where it is!
PS: Also note the epic out-of-focusness. He must not be using the… ALCATEL ONETOUCH FLASH WITH 13MP Autofocus Camera!!!!! (too bad he didn’t win phone also haiyo) #justsaying
12. The ‘act cool face palm’ selfie
Look for: One hand covering one eye
“Half of the face is cover with your palm, in order to show off your newly done manicure. Itu mata kasih tutup juga, to show off your long eye lashes. Tips: Wear make up and shades for better result.” – Liu Wei Wen
So THAT’S why girls do that! Well duh, if you’re gonna flash your perfectly manicured nails and eyeliners (which, in Girl Planet, is one helluva accomplishment), you best do it with a funky expression.
Probably not very relatable but still groudbreaking if you’re clueless about girls, check out Rachel Simmons for TIME’s story on the secret language behind girls on Instagram here.
13. The ‘Boleh Masuk Lagi’ selfie
Look for: Nose hair, unidentifiable body parts on edges
“Trying to squeeze all agendas into one shot therefore half a face is usually cut and it’s always an advantage for those with a round face. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words. You feel us?” – Cassandra Lee
Chup, don’t get scared by the big guy in red, that’s just our EIC’s chin from a really, really bad angle. Ok, context for photo first.
Jolyn’s super adorable when we kacau her, so one day we decided to squeeze in on her during lunch. So on the left you’ve got Uihua’s nose and cheek, 3/4 of Lydia’s face at a terrible angle, a very claustrophobic Jo-Lyn looking pleasantly squashed, Chak being Chak, and an equally horrid view of Johannan’s nose. Yeah… That’s what you get when you try to literally cram everyone into a groupfie. Good thing nobody got pi sai (nose poop).
14. The ‘OMG WTF is that’ selfie
Look for: Background LOL
“Mostly with bad clothes or ass cracks or people fighting or horrible things like that. Person stands in front and pretends to get his photo taken but is actually taking a photo of the shitstorm behind.” – Peter Mark Leon Nunis
Quite jahat but it’ll give a coupla laughs la, gotta admit that… But sorry, nothing beats the praying a$$crack guy at Magic: The Gathering events:
(He’s been banned from Magic: The Gathering for a period, apparently.)
15. The ‘I’m Touching a Tiger’
Look for: WWF rights violations
“Head, body, backside, tail… Whichever it is, sure take with the tiger lying down and posing one.” – Clement Chiam
OK, we know what you’re thinking… This technically isn’t a selfie. But really, there’s always always ALWAYS a tiger selfie whenever people go on holidays. Where there’s a zoo, there’s always a tiger. And where there’s a tiger, there’s always an RM20 touch-tiger-take-photo deal round the corner… And a tiger that’s probably annoyed at all the kids violating his tail…